Guide card
E3 · Seven Questions
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WHYZMEN · OPTIONAL CARD · SESSION 10 WHYZMEN · OPTIONAL CARD · SESSION 10
E3 Seven Questions + “And E3 Seven Questions + “And
what else?” what else?”
Use it when… a brother brings you a problem, and you Use it when… a brother brings you a problem, and you
want to help without rescuing him. want to help without rescuing him.
“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters,
but one who has insight draws them out.” but one who has insight draws them out.”
Proverbs 20:5 Proverbs 20:5
Most helpers jump from question to advice far too fast. Most helpers jump from question to advice far too fast.
Stay curious a little longer. These seven, in order: Stay curious a little longer. These seven, in order:
QUESTION WHAT IT DOES QUESTION WHAT IT DOES
“What’s on your mind?” Opens his real agenda, not the “What’s on your mind?” Opens his real agenda, not the
one he presents. one he presents.
“And what else?” The most important one. Ask it “And what else?” The most important one. Ask it
two or three times. two or three times.
“What’s the real challenge here Moves from the general “What’s the real challenge here Moves from the general
for you?” problem to his part in it. for you?” problem to his part in it.
“What do you want?” Surprisingly rare. Surprisingly “What do you want?” Surprisingly rare. Surprisingly
powerful. powerful.
“How can I help?” Stops you rescuing him before “How can I help?” Stops you rescuing him before
he asks. he asks.
“If you say yes to this, what are The cost question. Made for “If you say yes to this, what are The cost question. Made for
you saying no to?” retirement decisions. you saying no to?” retirement decisions.
“What was most useful about Helps the learning stick. “What was most useful about Helps the learning stick.
this conversation?” this conversation?”
E3 · Seven Questions + “And what else?” (back) E3 · Seven Questions + “And what else?” (back)
“AND WHAT ELSE?” “AND WHAT ELSE?”
His first answer is rarely his only answer, and almost His first answer is rarely his only answer, and almost
never his real one. The second and third answers, drawn never his real one. The second and third answers, drawn
out by patience, are where the real material lives. out by patience, are where the real material lives.
THREE HABITS THREE HABITS
• Ask what and how, not why. “Why did you do that?” • Ask what and how, not why. “Why did you do that?”
puts a man on trial. “What led you there?” keeps him puts a man on trial. “What led you there?” keeps him
thinking. thinking.
• No advice with a question mark. “Have you thought • No advice with a question mark. “Have you thought
about…?” is advice in disguise. about…?” is advice in disguise.
• Then wait. Count to five. The best answers arrive just • Then wait. Count to five. The best answers arrive just
after the silence starts to feel too long. after the silence starts to feel too long.
FIRST USE FIRST USE
The next time a brother brings you a problem, hold your The next time a brother brings you a problem, hold your
advice until you have asked “And what else?” twice. advice until you have asked “And what else?” twice.
THIS SKILL’S PRACTICES S2 Ask the second question · THIS SKILL’S PRACTICES S2 Ask the second question ·
S5 Ask for a story · S11 Honest, open questions S5 Ask for a story · S11 Honest, open questions
More in the Toolkit: 2 · Ask More in the Toolkit: 2 · Ask
Adapted from Michael Bungay Stanier, The Coaching Habit (2016); Alison Wood Adapted from Michael Bungay Stanier, The Coaching Habit (2016); Alison Wood
Brooks on follow-up questions. Brooks on follow-up questions.
WhyzMen · Rewire Retirement · Card E3 · r1 · Optional · handed out at Session 10 WhyzMen · Rewire Retirement · Card E3 · r1 · Optional · handed out at Session 10