Guide card
T3 · The Clearness Room
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WHYZMEN · GUIDE CARD · SESSION 11 WHYZMEN · GUIDE CARD · SESSION 11
T3 The Clearness Room T3 The Clearness Room
Use it when… your triad is holding one man’s question. Use it when… your triad is holding one man’s question.
THE COVENANT · READ ALOUD AT THE START OF EVERY THE COVENANT · READ ALOUD AT THE START OF EVERY
ROUND ROUND
• We are here to listen, not to fix. • We are here to listen, not to fix.
• What is said in this room stays in this room. • What is said in this room stays in this room.
• We offer no advice unless the man in the chair asks for • We offer no advice unless the man in the chair asks for
it. it.
• We mirror and affirm what we hear — we do not judge, • We mirror and affirm what we hear — we do not judge,
correct or improve it. correct or improve it.
• We trust that a man, truly heard, will find his own • We trust that a man, truly heard, will find his own
clearing. clearing.
ONE MAN IN THE CHAIR · 25–30 MINUTES ONE MAN IN THE CHAIR · 25–30 MINUTES
1 Frame 1 min He names what he brings — a 1 Frame 1 min He names what he brings — a
draft, or the live question under draft, or the live question under
it. it.
2 He speaks 5–8 Uninterrupted. Where it feels 2 He speaks 5–8 Uninterrupted. Where it feels
solid; where it wobbles. solid; where it wobbles.
3 Hold the 30 sec Nobody fills it. 3 Hold the 30 sec Nobody fills it.
silence silence
4 Honest, 10–15 Questions that open, not steer. 4 Honest, 10–15 Questions that open, not steer.
open open
questions questions
5 Mirror and 5 “Here’s what I heard you say…” In 5 Mirror and 5 “Here’s what I heard you say…” In
affirm his own words. affirm his own words.
6 He responds — Refines aloud, or sits with it. 6 He responds — Refines aloud, or sits with it.
7 Close — Affirm him. Opinions only if he 7 Close — Affirm him. Opinions only if he
asks. asks.
T3 · The Clearness Room (back) T3 · The Clearness Room (back)
HONEST, OPEN QUESTIONS HONEST, OPEN QUESTIONS
An honest question is one you do not already know the An honest question is one you do not already know the
answer to. If it could be advice wearing a question mark, answer to. If it could be advice wearing a question mark,
don’t ask it. don’t ask it.
• When you say it aloud, where do you feel it — and • When you say it aloud, where do you feel it — and
where do you go quiet? where do you go quiet?
• Which words are yours, and which did you borrow? • Which words are yours, and which did you borrow?
• If this were true, what would you stop doing first? • If this were true, what would you stop doing first?
• Who is this for? • Who is this for?
• What would it cost you to live it — and is that a price • What would it cost you to live it — and is that a price
you want to pay? you want to pay?
• What are you afraid it might ask of you? • What are you afraid it might ask of you?
TWO TRAPS TWO TRAPS
The fixing reflex. Men paid for decades to solve problems The fixing reflex. Men paid for decades to solve problems
will want to advise. Name it, set it down, reach for a will want to advise. Name it, set it down, reach for a
question. question.
Borrowed clarity. A man without his own words will Borrowed clarity. A man without his own words will
reach for a louder man’s. reach for a louder man’s.
DOUBLE CONFIDENTIALITY DOUBLE CONFIDENTIALITY
Nothing said is repeated — and no one brings it up with Nothing said is repeated — and no one brings it up with
him later unless he opens the door. him later unless he opens the door.
THIS SKILL’S PRACTICES S11 Honest, open questions · THIS SKILL’S PRACTICES S11 Honest, open questions ·
S2 Ask the second question · S5 Ask for a story S2 Ask the second question · S5 Ask for a story
More in the Toolkit: 2 · Ask More in the Toolkit: 2 · Ask
Adapted from Parker J. Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness, and the Center for Courage Adapted from Parker J. Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness, and the Center for Courage
& Renewal. & Renewal.
WhyzMen · Rewire Retirement · Card T3 · r3 WhyzMen · Rewire Retirement · Card T3 · r3