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T4 · Stay On Your Side of the Net
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WHYZMEN · GUIDE CARD · SESSION 13 WHYZMEN · GUIDE CARD · SESSION 13
T4 Stay on Your Side of the T4 Stay on Your Side of the
Net Net
Use it when… you need to tell a brother something hard. Use it when… you need to tell a brother something hard.
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted.” “Wounds from a friend can be trusted.”
Proverbs 27:6 Proverbs 27:6
Picture a tennis net between you and the man across the Picture a tennis net between you and the man across the
table. Every exchange has three parts: table. Every exchange has three parts:
HIS SIDE THE NET YOUR SIDE HIS SIDE THE NET YOUR SIDE
What he meant What he said or What it did in you What he meant What he said or What it did in you
did did
His motives. Only His behavior. You The impact. Only His motives. Only His behavior. You The impact. Only
he knows them. both saw it. you know it. he knows them. both saw it. you know it.
The rule: speak only about the net and your own side. The rule: speak only about the net and your own side.
Guess at why he did it and you are over the net — he will Guess at why he did it and you are over the net — he will
argue instead of hear. argue instead of hear.
OVER THE NET YOUR SIDE OVER THE NET YOUR SIDE
“You don’t really want “That’s the third Monday you’ve “You don’t really want “That’s the third Monday you’ve
this.” said ‘not yet.’ I’m concerned, this.” said ‘not yet.’ I’m concerned,
because I want this for you.” because I want this for you.”
“You’re avoiding it.” “When you read your Rule, I lost “You’re avoiding it.” “When you read your Rule, I lost
you. It sounded written for you. It sounded written for
someone else.” someone else.”
T4 · Stay on Your Side of the Net (back) T4 · Stay on Your Side of the Net (back)
THE SENTENCE THE SENTENCE
When you (what I saw or heard), I (what it did in me). When you (what I saw or heard), I (what it did in me).
FOUR MOVES FOUR MOVES
• Ask first. “Would it be a bad idea if I told you what I • Ask first. “Would it be a bad idea if I told you what I
noticed?” noticed?”
• Say it while it is small. A small thing said in February • Say it while it is small. A small thing said in February
saves a hard conversation in May. saves a hard conversation in May.
• Then go back to listening. His reasons are his to tell. • Then go back to listening. His reasons are his to tell.
Ask: “What’s going on for you?” Ask: “What’s going on for you?”
• Take it the same way. When it comes back to you, say • Take it the same way. When it comes back to you, say
“Tell me more,” not “Here’s why.” “Tell me more,” not “Here’s why.”
FIRST USE FIRST USE
The Monday your triad reviews each man’s Rule: “Can The Monday your triad reviews each man’s Rule: “Can
you really do this in two minutes?” you really do this in two minutes?”
THIS SKILL’S PRACTICES S7 Name the value you see · THIS SKILL’S PRACTICES S7 Name the value you see ·
S8 The Barnabas Turn · S12 One level deeper · S14 Say S8 The Barnabas Turn · S12 One level deeper · S14 Say
the blessing the blessing
More in the Toolkit: 3 · Speak Truly & Encourage More in the Toolkit: 3 · Speak Truly & Encourage
Adapted from Bradford & Robin, Connect (2021), from Stanford’s Interpersonal Adapted from Bradford & Robin, Connect (2021), from Stanford’s Interpersonal
Dynamics course. Dynamics course.
WhyzMen · Rewire Retirement · Card T4 · r4 WhyzMen · Rewire Retirement · Card T4 · r4