Stay On Your Side of the Net

WHYZMEN · SESSION 13 · FOR YOUR TRIAD CHECK-INS

Stay on Your Side of the Net
Telling a brother the truth without fixing, flattering, or judging him
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted.” Proverbs 27:6
Picture a tennis net between you and the man across the table. Every exchange
has three parts:
         HIS SIDE                    THE NET                    YOUR SIDE
  What he meant               What he said or              What it did in
                                   did                         you
   His motives. Only he       His behavior. You both       The impact. Only you
       knows them.                    saw it.                    know it.


The rule: speak only about the middle and your own side. Guess at why he did
it and you are over the net. He will argue instead of hear.

 OVER THE NET                              YOUR SIDE
 “You don’t really want this.”             “That’s the third Monday you’ve said
                                           ‘not yet.’ I’m concerned, because I
                                           want this for you.”
 “You’re avoiding it.”                     “When you read your Rule, I lost you.
                                           It sounded written for someone else.”


          When you (what I saw or heard), I (what it did in me).
▸ Ask first. “Would it be a bad idea if I told you what I noticed?”
▸ Say it while it is small. A small thing said in February saves a hard
  conversation in May.
▸ Then go back to listening. His reasons are his to tell you. Ask: “What’s going
  on for you?”
▸ Take it the same way. When it comes back to you, say “Tell me more,” not
  “Here’s why.”
First use: next Monday, when your triad reviews each man’s Rule. “Can you
really do this in two minutes?”
Adapted from Bradford & Robin, Connect (2021), from Stanford’s Interpersonal
Dynamics course.


   WhyzMen · Stay on Your Side of the Net r1 · Scripture: NIV® © Biblica, Inc.