Toolkit
Going Deeper Index
WHYZMEN · REWIRE RETIREMENT · GOING DEEPER
The Going Deeper Index
Find a reading by topic
Navigating Transition · Building Brotherhood · Igniting Jubilee
Nothing on these pages is assigned. The program is the conversation in the room, plus one short reading a week (the short list after the topics). Everything else here is for the man who wants more on something that matters to him right now. Find your topic, pick one reading, and stop there; you can always come back. The minutes are honest reading times at an easy pace (a few items are exercises or videos and say so). Where it lives is the folder in the shared WhyzMen drive: S5 · Recommended Readings means the Session 5 folder, then its Recommended Readings subfolder; the file name is underneath. Toolkit means the Communications and Relationships Toolkit folder. If you would rather have a printed copy, ask a facilitator for the PDF.
Start with the shorter one. One reading used is worth more than five filed.
By topic
Retirement & the transition
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
The Four Phases of Retirement Riley Moynes (TED) | 3 | Vacation, loss, trial and error, rewire: the talk in brief, with the link to the 11-minute video. | S1 · Recommended Readings Riley Moynes Four Phases.docx |
What You Will Lose When You Retire | web | An online piece on what work quietly gave you; background to the Five Losses. | S1 · Going Deeper References what-you-will-lose-when-you-retire.url |
Designing a Meaningful Second Half Dave Evans, Hidden Brain | 20 | Five beliefs that get in the way and five design principles that help, with reflection questions. | S6 · Recommended Readings Designing_a_Meaningful_Second_Half_WhyzMen_r2.docx |
From Curious Investigator to Accomplished Doer | 16 | Why the second half shifts from exploring to finishing, and how to close the open loops. | S3 · Going Deeper References Go_Deeper_From_Curious_Investigator_to_Accomplished_Doer_r1.docx |
The two halves of life
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
Falling Upward in brief Richard Rohr | 3 | The container, the necessary fall, and what the second half is for. | S2 · Recommended Readings Falling Upward notes.docx |
Summary of Falling Upward the longer summary | 6 | Rohr's whole argument chapter by chapter, for the man who wants more than the brief. | S1 · Recommended Readings Summary of Falling Upward.pdf |
The Two Halves of Life Reader's Companion: Rohr & Brooks | 5 | Two maps of the same climb: Rohr's inner shift and David Brooks's moral one. | S3 · Recommended Readings Reader_Companion_Two_Halves.docx (or .pdf) |
James Hollis on the Second Half | 3 | The psychologist's map: the provisional self, the shadow, and choosing enlargement over comfort. | S3 · Going Deeper References Hollis_Appendix_Reference_Note.docx (or .pdf) |
Marriage & home
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
Emotional Loneliness and the Roommate Marriage | 12 | Feeling unknown inside a long marriage, and what to do when she does not share your vision. | S4 · Going Deeper References Emotional Loneliness.docx |
Why We Misunderstand Each Other Deborah Tannen, Hidden Brain | 10 | Pauses, interruptions and "metamessages": why a conversation goes wrong when no one means harm. | S4 · Going Deeper References Tannen_Conversational_Style_HiddenBrain_Summary.md.docx |
Making Another Person Feel Seen Allison Pugh | 5 | Seven guidelines for men on "connective labor": slow down, pass the ball, drop your first guess. | S10 · Recommended Readings Go_Deeper_Making_Another_Person_Feel_Seen_r2.docx |
Your story
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
Why We Write Our Story | 8 | McAdams, Allender and Pennebaker on why writing your past shapes the man you become. | S5 · Recommended Readings Why We Write Our Story.docx (or .pdf) |
Dan Allender: God as the Author | 10 | Reading your life as a text written by a purposeful Author, with you as co-author. | S5 · Recommended Readings Allender_Reference.docx (or .pdf) |
Narrative Identity Dan McAdams | 13 | You are the story you tell: nuclear episodes, redemption, generativity. | S5 · Recommended Readings Narrative Identity_mcadams.pdf |
Jonathan Adler | 2 | The story you tell is the meaning you make, and meaning can be revised. | S5 · Recommended Readings Jonathan M Adler.docx (or .pdf) |
James Pennebaker: Expressive Writing | 7 | The 15-minutes-a-day, four-day writing protocol and why it clears the deck. | S5 · Going Deeper References James Pennebaker.docx (or .pdf) |
The Life Story Interview II Dan McAdams | 12 | The researcher's own interview: chapters, key scenes, the future. Longer if you answer it. | S5 · Going Deeper References The-Life-Story-Interview-II-2007.pdf |
Redemption & Contamination | 14 | How we tell the turns in our lives, and why the telling matters (Genesis 41:52). | S7 · Recommended Readings redemption-contamination.html |
Values
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
The Thread | 13 | What has been true of you in every chapter, and where God is in the turns. | S7 · Recommended Readings the-thread.html |
Building a Compass & Living into Values Burnett & Evans · Brené Brown | 5 | The needle and the rudder: a workview and lifeview, then two named values with behaviors. | S7 · Going Deeper References Session_7_Compass_and_Values_Going_Deeper_r1.docx |
Living Into Our Values Brené Brown worksheet | 10 | An exercise: choose your two values, then name what they look like, and what slipping looks like. | S7 · Going Deeper References 22_0120-Values-Document-BBbrandedUU.pdf |
Operationalizing Your Values Brené Brown behavior list | 8 | A long list of sample behaviors to borrow when one value needs words. | S7 · Going Deeper References List-of-Behaviors-for-Operationalizing-Org-Values_092121.pdf |
Strengths & gifts
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
VIA Character Strengths: A Brief Orientation | 3 | The free 24-strength survey: what it measures and what your signature strengths are. | S7 · Recommended Readings VIA Character.docx |
Discover Your CliftonStrengths | 5 | Gallup's 34 themes, the Top 5 assessment, and putting them to work in the second half. | S8 · Recommended Readings Discover_Your_CliftonStrengths_r1.html |
Gifts in Scripture | 2 | Romans 12:4–8, 1 Peter 4:9–11 and 1 Corinthians 12:7, side by side. | S9 · Recommended Readings Gifting Prep for S9.docx |
The Caring Shift | 15 | Why real learning changes what you love, not just what you know. | S5 · Recommended Readings S5_Digital_Companion Caring Shift.html |
Faith & calling
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
Why the Second Half Needs Its Own Faith | 15 | The faith that built you may not be the faith that carries you home (Isaiah 46:4). | S9 · Recommended Readings second-half-faith_merged_r1.html |
Poiema: God's Poem Still Being Written | 8 | One word from Ephesians 2:10 and what it says about a life not yet finished. | S9 · Recommended Readings poiema-essay.html |
Jubilee: the theology beneath the sun | 3 | Leviticus 25 to Luke 4: release, return and rest, and why the byline says Igniting Jubilee. | S9 · Recommended Readings WhyzMen_Jubilee_Backgrounder.docx |
Big P, Little p | 10 | Whose you are, and what you are for this season: two words for one calling. | S11 · Recommended Readings WhyzMen_S11_Reading_Big_P_Little_p_r1.pdf |
Also see: The Caring Shift (Strengths & gifts) ties what you now care about to your Faith Foundation.
Friendship & community
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
Building Friendships in Retirement | 7 | Busy but lonely: why friendships fade after work, and the five ingredients that build them. | S10 · Recommended Readings Building_Friendships_in_Retirement_r3.docx |
Who Are Your Five? Robin Dunbar | 6 | The circles of friendship, and why the inner ring is where retired men run short. | S10 · Recommended Readings Who_Are_Your_Five_Dunbar_Explainer_r1.pdf |
Building New Relationships After Retirement | 20 | The loneliness epidemic, the triad, the Barnabas model: the full companion reading. | S10 · Going Deeper Readings Building_New_Relationships_After_Retirement_r4.docx |
Meaningful Conversations: three books, seven moves | 6 | From acquaintance to the friend you could call at two in the morning. | S10 · Going Deeper Readings Go_Deeper_Meaningful_Conversations_r1.docx |
The Three Big Myths of Mentoring Adam Grant | 3 | Why the giver gains as much as the receiver, and why questions beat answers. | S11 · Recommended Readings WhyzMen_ReadDeeper_Grant_Three_Myths_of_Mentoring_r2_1.docx |
Listening & conversation
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
The Communication & Relationships Toolkit | 25 | The six skills: Listen · Ask · Speak Truly & Encourage · At Home · Build & Host · Take Stock. A library: dip into the section you need. | Toolkit Communication_and_Relationships_Toolkit_r4.docx |
Where Do I Start? | 3 | Match the question on your mind to the one card, page or reading that answers it. | Toolkit WhyzMen_Where_Do_I_Start_r2.docx |
Listening Well Voss · Brooks · Duhigg and others | 10 | The reasons behind your Listening Kit: show him you heard him, ask better questions. | Toolkit Listening_Well_S10_Going_Deeper_r3.docx |
10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation Celeste Headlee | 4 | Her ten rules in brief, and the three already in your covenant. | Toolkit 10_Ways_to_Have_a_Better_Conversation_r2.docx |
Conversations That Matter Headlee, for men | 6 | The same ten rules applied to a triad: be interested, not interesting. | S10 · Recommended Readings Go_Deeper_Conversations_That_Matter_Headlee_r1.docx |
The Power of Being Seen Allison Pugh, the long version | 14 | The stories behind "connective labor": the chaplain, the cookies, the rocks. | S4 · Going Deeper References Power of Being Seen.docx |
Listening vs Fixing | 1 | One playful page: two superpowers, only one of which works at home. | Toolkit WhyzMen_Listening_vs_Fixing_Playful_v3_Evoke_No.pdf |
The Presence Practice | 15 | A thirteen-week, six-phase listening practice for after the program (15 minutes to read; the practice takes the weeks). | S15 · Going Deeper References WhyzMen_Reference_The_Presence_Practice_r1.docx |
Also see: Why We Misunderstand Each Other (Marriage & home): Tannen on conversational style.
Mission & purpose
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
Where a Mission Comes From | 12 | Five voices behind the three rungs of your mission (John 20:21). | S11 · Recommended Readings S11_Digital_Companion Where a Mission Comes From.html |
Cultivating Purpose Anthony Burrow, Cornell | 11 | Why purpose is built, not found, and why a mission is not a goal. | S11 · Going Deeper References WhyzMen_ReadDeeper_Burrow_Cultivating_Purpose_r2.pdf |
The Meaning Audit | 20 | An exercise in personal archaeology: where your meaning has actually come from, in numbers. | S11 · Recommended Readings Meaning_Audit_Reference.pdf |
The Odyssey Plan | 6 | Design three different futures side by side before you lock one in. | S11 · Recommended Readings The Odyssey Plan.pdf |
The Opportunity Map | 13 | Where your mission might go to work, sorted by who you serve and how you give. Browse it. | S13 · Going Deeper References WhyzMen_Opportunity_Map_r1.pdf |
Vision & the essential few
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
Why a Tuesday, Not a Target | 12 | How a vision for a life differs from a vision for a company (Habakkuk 2:2). | S12 · Recommended Readings S12_Digital_Companion Why a Tuesday Not a Target.html |
Essentialism for the Second Half after Greg McKeown | 9 | Less, but better, at the season when it finally matters most. | S13 · Recommended Readings essentialism-second-half-r3.html |
From Range to the Vital Few | 9 | For the man of many interests: why the generalist and the essentialist tell one story. | S13 · Going Deeper References range-to-the-vital-few.html |
Also see: The Opportunity Map (Mission & purpose): read it with your mission sentence as the compass.
Habits & doing
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
From Knowing to Doing G.I. Joe Fallacy · Rule of Life · Atomic Habits | 20 | Why knowing is not half the battle, and how a Rule and small habits close the gap. Part One alone is fine. | S8 · Recommended Readings WhyzMen_From_Knowing_to_Doing_Reference_r1.docx (or .pdf) |
Rule of Life & Atomic Habits: going deeper Macchia · Benedict · Clear | 6 | The books behind your Rule, with which chapters to read and how. | S4 · Going Deeper References WhyzMen_Reference_Rule_of_Life_and_Atomic_Habits_Go_Deeper_r1.docx |
Also see: From Curious Investigator to Accomplished Doer (Retirement & the transition): capture, review, finish.
Legacy & letters
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
Writing an Ethical Will and Letters to Those I Love | 25 | Twelve guidelines, models from Scripture and history, three samples, and what to say (and not) in a letter. | S14 · Going Deeper References Writing_an_Ethical_Will_and_Letters_Reference_r1.docx (or .pdf) |
How this program is built · for the curious
Reading | Min. | One line | Where it lives |
Bloom's Taxonomy Explained | 9 | Why the program moves the way it does, and why the Charter is the deepest thinking in it. | S12 · Going Deeper References blooms-taxonomy-r2.html |
Fink's Six Dimensions Explained | 9 | Why thinking deeper is not the same as being changed. | S8 · Going Deeper References Fink-dimensions-r4.html |
FOR FACILITATORS · THE SPINE
The required readings, session by session
One short reading a week at most; most weeks the conversation is the reading. Everything else in this index is optional.
Session | Required reading | Where it lives |
S1 · Nov 2 | Riley Moynes, The 4 Phases of Retirement (11-minute video; 3-page summary with the link) | Session 1 · Recommended Readings Riley Moynes Four Phases.docx |
S2 · Nov 9 | Falling Upward in brief | Session 2 · Recommended Readings Falling Upward notes.docx |
S3 · Nov 16 | The Two Halves of Life (reader's companion), over the two-week window | Session 3 · Recommended Readings Reader_Companion_Two_Halves.docx (or .pdf) |
S4 · Nov 30 | None. The Kitchen Table Conversation is the reading. | — |
S5 · Dec 7 | Why We Write Our Story | Session 5 · Recommended Readings Why We Write Our Story.docx (or .pdf) |
S6 · Dec 14 | Genesis 50:20, read twice | Your Bible |
S7 · Jan 4 | None | — |
S8 · Jan 11 | None | — |
S9 · Jan 18 | None | — |
S10 · Jan 25 | The Listening Kit (one sheet), before the first triad meeting | Session 10 · Handouts WhyzMen_Listening_Kit_r2.docx |
S11 · Feb 15 | The Clearness Room Guide (covenant and checklist, after Parker Palmer) | Handed out at Session 11 pocket card: Toolkit · Cards · Card_T3_The_Clearness_Room_r1.docx |
S12 · Feb 22 | A Tuesday in 2031: the exemplar page | Session 12 Participant Guide (the marked exemplar page) |
S13 · Mar 1 | None | — |
S14 · Mar 8 | None | — |
S15 · Mar 15 | — | — |
At each closing slide name at most two optional readings from this index, matched to the session's topic. A man who reads none of them is not behind.
FACILITATOR PAGE · NOT FOR THE BINDER
For Dave · housekeeping
Recommendations only: nothing has been moved or deleted. "Same text" means the words match line for line.
Item | Keep | Archive | Why |
Building New Relationships After Retirement | S10 · Going Deeper Readings · r4 | r3 (same S10 folder) · r3 (Toolkit) · r2 (Claude outputs) | r4 is newest; same text plus a "20 MIN" tag. |
Meaningful Conversations | S10 · Going Deeper Readings · Go_Deeper_Meaningful_Conversations_r1 | Meaningful Conversations.docx (same folder) · the second _r1 copy in S10 · Recommended | Old file is unfinished notes (below). |
Why We Write Our Story | S5 · Recommended · Why We Write Our Story (.docx, .pdf) | Why Write Our Story (.docx, .pdf), same folder | Same text; only the title differs. |
The Presence Practice | S15 · Going Deeper · WhyzMen_Reference_The_Presence_Practice_r1 | Its copies in S4 and S10 · Going Deeper; the old The_Presence_Practice.docx (S4) | Same text; it is the after-program practice. Old file is personal. |
The Caring Shift | S5 · Recommended · S5_ copy | S10 · Recommended · S10_ copy · Claude outputs copy | Same page; calls itself a Session 5 reference. |
Bloom's and Fink's | S12 · Going Deeper · Bloom r2; S8 · Going Deeper · Fink r4 | The old copies: both in S6 · Recommended; Bloom (old) and Fink r3 in S8 | Archive the old copies. |
Writing an Ethical Will | S14 · Going Deeper · .docx and .pdf | S14 · Recommended · .pdf | Same PDF; S14 has no required reading. |
From Knowing to Doing | S8 · Recommended · .docx and .pdf | S4 folder root · .docx and .pdf | Same text; S8 file is larger. |
Rule of Life & Atomic Habits guide | S4 · Going Deeper · WhyzMen_Reference_Rule_of_Life_..._r1 | S11 · Going Deeper · WhyzMen_Rule of Life and Atomic Go_Deeper_Reading_Guide | S11 file is the older version (old Charter numbers). |
Making Another Person Feel Seen | S10 · Recommended · Go_Deeper_..._Feel_Seen_r2 | Making Another Person Feel Seen.docx in S4 · Recommended and in the Toolkit folder | r2 is the newer version of the same piece. |
Headlee's ten rules | Toolkit · 10_Ways_r2 | Material for Other Sessions · 10_Ways_r1 | r2 replaces r1. Your call: S10 Conversations That Matter repeats the rules. |
Why a Tuesday, Not a Target | S12 · Recommended · the .html | S12 folder root · the copy with a comma in its name | Same page. |
Claude outputs folder | — | Older copies of CliftonStrengths, Dunbar, Listening Well r1, essentialism, range | Each now lives in a session or Toolkit folder. |
Personal, out of date or unfinished
• Personal: S4 · Going Deeper · The_Presence_Practice.docx names Sandra, Jessica, Adam and your grandchildren. Archive it; the r1 reference replaces it.
• Unfinished: S10 · Meaningful Conversations.docx is raw notes ending on a question to the reader.
• Out of date: S10A · WhyzMen_Wilderness_Between_Break_Reference_r1.docx has the old dates (Jan 19 – Feb 15; Session 11 on Feb 8). The calendar is now Jan 26 – Feb 14, Session 11 on Feb 15. Replace it with the current guide.
• Old names: Narrative Identity_mcadams.pdf has the old byline "Building Community • Celebrating Jubilee".
• Facilitator file in a men's folder: S10 · Recommended Readings · Session_10_Source_References_r2.docx is the annotated bibliography with CHECK rows. Move it to the facilitator folder.
• File names: the Grant Three Myths file ends _r2_1 (rename to _r2). The Thread and Redemption & Contamination say Session 6 but live in S7; Poiema says Session 5 but lives in S9.
• Not found: no "Clearness Room Guide" file is in the inventory, though S11 requires it.